Here are some actual label instructions from various international consumer products:
On a blanket from Taiwan
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
(Bugger, what am I gonna use now???)
On a helmet-mounted mirror used by American cyclists
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On a Taiwanese shampoo
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
On the bottle-top of a British flavored milk drink
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
On a New Zealand insect spray
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In an American guide to setting up a new computer
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a packet of American Sunmaid raisins
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVORITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On an American Sears hairdryer
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
On a bag of American Fritos-brand Corn Chips
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
(The shoplifter's special!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box)
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(Too late! You lose!)
On a Korean kitchen knife
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
(Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights
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